The 20s... someone...

The 20s... Someone...

It is when you stop going along with the crowd and start realizing
that there are many things about yourself that you didn't know and may not like.
You start feeling insecure and wonder where you will be in a year or two,
but then get scared because you barely know where you are now.


You start realizing that people are selfish and that,
maybe, those friends that you thought you were closest to aren't exactly the
greatest people you have ever met.
You constantly come across friends throwing away shit on you because of certain things which you never intended to do
You realise that you have lost touch with are some of the most important ones :(
What you don't recognize is that they are realizing that too, and aren't really cold,
mean or insincere, but that they are as confused as you are.


You look at your job... and it is not even close to what you thought
you would be doing, or maybe you are looking That Thing and realizing
that you have to start at the bottom or may be you are just not upto it and that scares you.


Your opinions have gotten stronger. You are reluctant to change.
You see what others are doing and find yourself judging more than usual
because suddenly you realize that you have certain demarcations in your life
and are constantly adding things to this of what is acceptable and what isn't.
One minute, you are insecure and then the next, secure.


You laugh and cry with the greatest force of your life. You feel alone
and scared and confused.
Suddenly, change is the enemy and you try and cling on to your past life,
but soon realize that the past is drifting further and further away,
and there is nothing to do but stay where you are or move forward (irrespective of your will)


You get your heart broken and wonder how someone you loved could do such damage to you.
Or you lie in bed and wonder why you can't meet anyone decent enough that you want to get to know better.
Or maybe you love someone but love someone else too and cannot figure out why
you're doing this because you know that you aren't that a bad person.
You want to settle down for good because now all of a sudden that becomes top priority.
Getting wasted and acting like an idiot starts to look pathetic.
You begin to think a companion for life is better than a hundred in the shack
and for once you would not mind standing tall for that special someone which otherwise you had never thought of until now.


You go through the same emotions and questions over and over,
talk with your friends about the same topics because you dont seem to make a decision.
You worry about loans, money, the future and making a life for yourself...
and while winning the race would be great, but right now you'd just dont want to be a contender!

And I dont want to be a contender!

I dont say that I want this phase to pass away soon...
But I want it to be a little easy on me...

This too shall pass

Thing called luv...:)

This is the yet another time I have tried this thing called love,
And this is the time its here to stay.

Our P's and M's are buried in the past.
Now will never end, as this time will last.

I've learned through all the fights and separations
Beyond all other dreams and predictions.
That happiness depends on being with you.
It took me some time to see that this was true

But now it is the rock on which I stand.
I know it, and the realisation brings me peace.
I need no space for wandering or release.

All my being I put into your hands.
Love me sweeta,.. for I'm completely yours.
The way is clear... I have no other doors.

i dont like....

Am self obsessed and now there is another blog on I me Myself...
Things I dont like abt myself (and am willing to change)

1)Am a big big Procrastinator ...i postpone things till my death

2)If I hate someone... his/Her even a small mention can put me off for one complete day .. this is bad... i give rights on myself to those whom i hate most

3)Am a hypocrite ... If i say sumthing not-so-good abt my family its ok.. but I cant stand anyone else playing arnd

4)I talk too much (har time...)

5)At times I find myself perturbed over unnecessary things and most impt n urgent things jus dont affect me

6)I spend like crazy ... and even if i say I spend wisely I end up saving nothing... mann hi nahin karta paise bachane ka

7)I am soooooo much afraid of maths... for reasons unknown

8)I future plan a lot... esp related to things which are of least importance; so in simple words.. I Day Dream a lot

9)I am highly unpunctual (I am alwys the last one to enter the office but punctual while leaving though :P)

10)I am not girly-wurly (At times its necessary to talk abt matching nail paints n toe rings)

bhaago mat...

Keep it simple.... slow down baby slow down !

Change

One difficult decision and there are so many things to do in life now.. Am and I cant get happier... Everything seem to fall in place :)
Wat if i dont act on my plans ... still atleast I now have the freedom to make my Own Plans... make my own decisions ... without anyone else's consent (all the time) :)

reverse gear

And suddenly you feel that u have become the same person u were cursing for 2yrs !!You are exactly where that person was and you cant do nething but pity yourself !
Reality bites

Job blues...

Is it very normal to feel that your work profile is getting redundant ... or your getting bored by doing the exact same work everyday?
This is one of the major problems am facing in this profession...
firstly being a probationer, no one finds you good enough to do impt jobs. and by the end of the week you are sick of doing those not-so-impt work .. jus juggling to find some substantial work ... Now that a tough task for me pertaining to the fact that my branch is so filthy that there is nuthing to learn except for opening "khatas" and solving computer-related problems of the Elderly staff...
for now i can go on n on cribbing about my job...
But i wont.. I still remember, after watching the branch n the people for 1 week, i somehow decided that the best part abt this branch is there is so much to change and there is so much I can do to mitigate the miseries of the people coming down here.
I tried... infact I tried a lot... but as all the youth-transforming movies say... "tum system ko badlo.. isse pehle system tumhe badal deta hai"
I still shy away to accept that this is what exactly is happening with me.
Its sick to admit it that after jus 1.5months of working in this SBI branch my entire thinking has changed... the enthu.. the zeal to learn more and more.. my attitude...
i feel sad... probably i was thinking too much of myself...
Am nomore different from all those depressing oldies in the branch. Just like themeven i tend to send a customer from pillar to post for small little issues...
Though most of the time i try solving their problems at ones but then most of the time i feel so tied up in this rigid system that "making a difference" is nomore in my mind..
I hate this part of myself and am trying to change soon.. soon ...i keep telling one thing to myself that I am here to improve the system and not to degrade myself..Keeping this thing in mind I am sure when i move out of this branch one day I will feel proud to bring in small lil melioration.. cant promise anything else...

jab we met.. revisited

Yes.. it happened again… yet again.. I donno for which time.. but I again watched Jab V Met and I again fell in love with the movie. Even after watching it for so many times still I stay in the aura of the movie the characters as soon as I watch it again.. seems as if its such an integral part of my life and easy it is for me to associate myself with the movie n the characters.
For me life cant be fairer.. I got everything I deserved and not wat I demanded. And this is when I realize that am God’s favourite child that even with umpteen mistakes of mine.. he has given all the possibly good things in life. Before joining SBI I was actually living in a pretense at ICFAI of being happy n satisfied, till the time one sane person forced me to see the reality. Though I was happy … I was never satisfied.. some how the feeling of not being able to cope up with the other odd 800 students was making me stay in my own cocoon. Wont go into the gory details at to what happened next but will surely say that am happy and am now proud of myself.
So getting back to Jab we Met, as a matter of fact I can watch the entire movie keeping it on mute n saying all the dialogs by myself.
Here are the few things I luv abt it
1) Hill n mountain mein kya fark hota hai mujhe aaj tak samajh mein nahin aaya :P
2) Bhatinda ki sikhni
3) Aage kya hone wala hai yeh kisi ko nahin pata.. isliye main who hi karti hu jo mujhe theek lagta hai
4) Is bar main nahin rukunga… he is waiting for you
5) 1 ehsaan rahega tumhara mujhpar… kit um anshuman ko meri zindagi mein laaye.. warna main kabhi nahin samajh paati…..
Man…. I uv this movie so much…... life’s gud
Next update, my not-so-caring company is sending me on a work-cum-pleasure trip .. and I cant get more excited

a not-so-avid reader me

Though I can no more label myself as a Voracious Reader I still proud to declare that I have started wid a novel called "Of course I luv you.... till I find someone else" I am actually quite liking this book, as it gives great insights in a guy's mind when in a relationship (though it has made my dislike for them manifolds) I wish to finish it soon so that I can give a Jhakkaaas review Till then keep scribbling :)

My new new Blog :)

Finally the day has come when i started wid this one good habit of mine.... blogging.. I always loved it but then time took its toll (i know its a boring and an over-used excuse)
But this time round I ll not stop myself in giving words to all the good things happening around me.
So keep Blogging :)