Its almost been an year since we shifted in this house ... in this city...
Its questionable on both ends.... have we really accepted each other? Except for pyaaz ki kachori n gol gappe we really dont have many any things in common.
Jaipur is already topping the charts in terms of temperature...
Being sunday I somehow snatched out some time to sit in my balcony and enjoy the breeze...though its all full of sand, am still somehow finding it soothing ... with the radio next to me which is being kind to me by playing some awesome oldies.
Oflate my family has found their long lost interest in my marriage. They are on spree of finding some suitable guy who is rich (unlike us) qualified (completely unlike me) and Good-looking (now this is totally unlike the entire family) :P... I am letting them finish up their share of search, even when i know that they know and they know that i know that they know :P
Isnt this entire thing be a thing be by my choice/will rather than a forceful decision which one needs to make considering her/his age? Why is that my folks are forcing me to accept the fact that its time to let the wedding bells go ringing rather than me happily declaring my marriage with the person i want to and the time we want to ?
Typical Jain family.
Its Monday tomorrow, again the same mad rush... Running from pillar to post. Not that am back to my rants ... because somehow i have figured out that for me sitting idle is the most disgusting thing for me.. So i chose to go out and do something.... I tried .. tried rally hard to change this organisation in struggle of not being a lost part of the system ... But at the end of the day I find myself failing at every occasion. Ofcourse its useless to expect that a 200 yr old organisation with 2lac employee (mostly with people who have their one leg in grave) will change because of some new bee.
They probably have become hard skinned... and i fear that some day I too will be ... I am hopeful I will be taking my exit interview then.. Its funny that in 24 months of my job i have pages written with full conviction for my exit interview.. I exactly know what all to say/tell/spit.
Previously I somehow convinced myself that its nice to work here, probably because there is so much to do/change figuratively and literally. But then this fear of losing my own identity in this vicious system is constantly banging in my head. I feel completely lost at times.
I certainly wish some change... may be in terms of my company.. the city... probably a weekend getaway before this all swallows me...
I remember this prayer we use to recite in school...
God, Help me to change things I can
Accept things I cannot
and above all the wisdom to differentiate between the two
So help me God !
